Forgiveness is such a big word and only for those with a very big heart. In light of my last post regarding the bad news I have received about 7 months ago, I am still suffering of the consequences of it. It is subsiding but nevertheless, it is still there.

I have said that I learnt a lot of that experience. Mainly how awful some people can be and how you learn about the kindness of certain hearts. I was still very bitter deep inside. Very resentful and felt very cheated by a person I thought was a very close friend.

Days passed by and I just became quieter than usual. Spoke only when spoken to. I took the time out to plan and re-plan things in my life. Did things I never had the time to do- simple things like taking care of unfinished things in the house, enjoying the precious moments with the kids, and de-cluttering parts of my life (physically and emotionally). I did things but never felt I accomplished anything.

It wasn’t easy and the light at the end of the tunnel was sometimes very bright and some other times dim.

That day came, when we all gathered up our prayers for our beloved Sheikh Ahmed. I was very emotional to learn the news. He was very close to my heart for reasons I can’t share. I cried, I prayed, and kept my hopes high that a miracle will happen and he will be found by some tribe who would be taking care of him and they will bring him forward in a couple of days. The couple of days passed and still no news and after the 72 hour mark it is usually known that the missing will be hard to be found alive.

They announced his death. I was devastated. I couldn’t move and I couldn’t even cry. I was still for a very strange period of time. I didn’t want to talk to anyone then. I just wanted to be with my very close friends alone. Not saying anything. Just being around people I love and love me back. Our thoughts were together on how things would turn out if we hadn’t had each other. The thought of that was unbearable to any of us.

Life then just seemed too short and too unpredictable to be worried about things that were beyond our control- like the bad news I heard 7 months ago.

Elreem started with her emotional abuse telling me that I should forgive the person who has wronged me and she just went on and on about it. It was sickening! I kept saying but I can’t forgive him for what he has done and she went on pressuring me on the need to do that because I cant live my life with that kind of bitter in my heart.

So I sent him a msg saying “God I have forgiven who has mistaken me, so forgive me too. I have nothing in my heart towards you and all I wish is for you to have a good life”
Oh My God! I sent that and all of the sudden- I swear, I felt it. I felt that forgiveness in my heart. I felt that nothing was really worth my anger. I threw away the resentments I had in my heart.

And guess what! Things in my life started de-cluttering on their own. It is so weird how it all happened. Days passed by and he then called me and apologized- not that it really mattered because to me it was over and done with.

That light at the end of the tunnel became so bright and I felt that cleanliness in my heart that I have missed for a very long time.

Things started happening with hard work from my side and friends around me. The continuous positivity from everyone just kept my hopes high that there will be a better day tomorrow. It is that sustainable positive energy that keeps my life on the right track.

I am surrounded by angels and I feel very lucky. I wish everyone had the people I have in my life. May God always keep them close and safe.

So this post is dedicated to all of you- everyone I interact with in my daily dealings. Thank you for keeping me alive inside.

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