Dear friends,

Thank you very much for your support. I was emotionally destroyed but your thoughts and prayers had such a wonderful healing power. I am overwhelmed by all your emails, text msgs and comments. I’ve received support emails from New York, LA, South Africa, Germany and the UK. I didn’t even know people from those parts of the world even read me. It was such a relief knowing that I am not alone. It’s just wonderful when you receive an email from someone who took time from their personal life to just sit and talk about how they’ve coped through a tragedy like this. Some have not been through this once but twice and thrice and they still remain tact and in control. God bless you all.

I am thankful to you all. I’ve been going through all the comments daily and I’ve slowly managed to smile. Now I am writing this with total content with my situation.
The first few days were terrible but I learnt to see the good and discard the not so good. I’ve reached a point where I realized that my own health should top everything else.
I also realize that I’ve been sharing too many personal info on my site. It’s probably because I feel such freedom when writing that I cover many aspects that really should remain to me. I know my website isn’t educational but some of the objectives are actually to inspire (maybe that’s too big of a word) but at least I wanted others to learn things through me. I don’t claim to be an expert on life but there are things I wish I knew or been told before. This incident is a turning point in my life. Sister wrote in the previous entry that people can become envious and can hit you with an evil eye. I’m not superstitious but probably realistic. Honestly, I can live without that. I don’t need an extra thing to worry about. I’ve got enough worries in my life. I’m not sure how to do that but I will figure a way. I just can’t write about handbags and shoes and what I shopped for lately. It’s just not my style. =) I love reading blogs like that but I can’t get myself to writing in that way.
I will take the weekend to relax and to reflect. I love my site and I really don't want to shut it down. My thoughts are just all over the place now. I will probably have to write down the cons and pros of having a site and make a decision then.

Anyways, back to pregnancies and miscarriages.
• If you are blessed by the beautiful news of pregnancy please see a doctor immediately. You should be taken care of from day one.
• If God forbids you go through a difficult pregnancy take time out and have a complete bed rest. I am the type who can’t sit still and I’ve been very active- too active actually.
• If you experience spotting see a doctor- don’t wait till the next day just get yourself to the emergency room and have yourself checked.
• If God forbids you are told that you are having a miscarriage please seek support from your loved ones. Remember you’re not alone. Remember God tests those he loves most. Remember your own health is more important. Have plenty of rest. Drink lots of liquids (cinnamon and ginger teas work wonders in helping ease the pain)

I’ve been on cinnamon and ginger for a few days now. I’ve been to my doctor today and I’ve been told that I need the D&C performed ASAP. I’m going in early in the morning. I’ve read about it. I will receive General Anesthesia and the procedure will take about half an hour. I will then have to wait for the anesthesia to wear off. I will Insha’Allah be able to go home by the end of the day. I hope there aren’t any complications. Pray for me please.



The lovely text msgs just made me want to cross the phone lines and be with the senders and hug them- Devil and Taz- I love you guys

Breathtaking, you are such a sweetheart. Huggles. Thank you.

A.M, Cute UAE, A, grapeshisha, samoum, Samsoom, chiktute, Speranza, She..!!, moodito, Lolitt, Mayari, ShuShu, secretdubai, Ataaamy, sister, h.abul, ][.][ & Mo-thank you for your kindness and wishes. Insha’Allah I will have the pleasure to return it one day and pay all your loveliness forward to someone else.

AWG, Maithooh, lulu, Dubai’s Girl, Miwicle, Angel I wish I could shower you with kisses and hugs. You are very close to my heart.

Blackpearls, Ananyah, Pureen, your continuous support is not taken for granted. I appreciate it.

Fiona, you are in my heart forever. I’ve been blessed to have you in my life. Ahmed is blessed to have such a caring aunt. I will not trade you for the world. I love you.

Salami & APAW true friends are hard to find. XOXO.

A friend, words can’t express enough. Thank you for bringing me back to life. I forgot how beautiful it is.

Anas, you are my guardian angel and you will always be.

My Family, I love you unconditionally. You are the air that I breathe. I am nothing without you.

Until we meet again. Lots of Love,

UAEyah

[34] diamonds (520 opened the sack)  [+] Jewel Link

It wasn’t long ago when I heard some exciting news. News I’ve been blessed again with another beautiful gift from Allah. I was on cloud nine. I immediately took precautions with every sense of the word. I wanted it to be different this time. Hoping for a much easier journey. The news made me smile day and night and I’ve started planning for the big day already- a little bit too soon.

Yes I found out I was pregnant- I gazed at the test over and over again in disbelief. I was initially shocked but it sunk it slowly. I had contradicting thoughts. Is it too soon? How am I to deal with another pregnancy? God I haven’t lost all the weight I need to yet. How will I break the news to my family? Will it be another complicated pregnancy? Please God don’t make me suffer this time. Thoughts kept pouring in and I just felt like I had everything figured out for me.

It’s been two months since I took the test. I’ve been to the gynecologist several times because I was worried. I’ve suffered mild bleeding at the beginning but it stopped at about a month ago. I was getting very comfortable with the pregnancy. I wasn’t having any episodes of morning sicknesses unlike with Ahmed. My silly analysis to it- is that I am most probably carrying a girl this time since it is different. I started imaging myself matching my clothes with her. How I’d teach her on fashions and the latest trends and how we’d become best friends and share every little secret there is to share. I’ve imagined many things that I really don’t feel like writing about tonight.

Last night I started having some spotting. I worried but thought I’ve seen worse than this. I could probably wait till morning and it will stop. It didn’t. I’ve been to the doc in the afternoon to check on my baby. I sat there anxious biting my nails. Sat with the doc explained myself and she sent me to the Ultrasound Examination Room.

I was looking at the ultrasound on the screen and I could see the baby’s sack. I asked the Technician to stop and I said “I can’t see any heartbeats- is there a heart beat?”
she was silent. She said “NO”
My best friend Salami was holding my hand. I could feel her squeeze it.
I said “Is the baby ok?”
the Technician “You better talk to the doctor.”
I repeated “is there a heart beat?”
the Technician “The baby stopped growing two weeks ago- I am sorry”

I had a quiet moment. Didn’t know what was happening. I just felt dizzy. I felt Salami trying to dress me up and I asked her to stop. “I am fine!- I am fine! Please stop!” I just couldn’t help it and I bursted into tears. I tried fighting the urge to cry. I tried to swallow the pain and just remain normal but I just couldn’t.
The doctor said that miscarriages happen. I just need to allow my body to expel the baby out. I kept thinking how can I turn out to be an expelling machine when I am supposed to be incubating the baby. I’m having terrible cramps as I’m typing this. I feel awful. I’m hoping against all odds that this is just not happening. Deep inside I know it’s true. I know I’ve lost a baby. I just … I don’t know…

I know Allah is testing my faith. I know there is light at the end of the tunnel but the tunnel is just very dark- pitch black and I can’t seem to see the light. I believe things happen for a reason that I might not see now. I can’t stop crying as I am writing this.. it’s very hard talking about it. God please give me the strength to walk through this. I just feel physically challenged at this moment and emotionally it’s a hundred times worse!.
I want to be alone but I need to be surrounded. I know I am blessed cuz I’ve already got a child. Some people can’t conceive altogether. Some have been trying for years and years. I know.

I am sitting here waiting for nature to do it’s work. If things don’t go well then I will need to perform D&C (Dilation and Curettage).

I feel so much pain inside. I just can’t explain it.

Please understand that I needed to express how I felt. I am not looking for sympathy. I just need to talk to someone and ironically, the PC seems like the best option. I know my family & friends are there for me but for some reason writing is much easier. Seeing them makes me cry and I never could cry in front of anyone.

Things will get better- I know they will. Allah loves me and he knows how much I love him. I just want the pain to go away. May Allah forgive me and bless my baby's soul. Inshalla we will reunite in heaven. I leave you in Allah's protection.

[35] diamonds (462 opened the sack)  [+] Jewel Link

Happy Birthday to the cutest, most beautiful, most cuddly, most loving baby in my world. Happy birthday my little angel and many many many happy returns of the day Inshalla.

He’s a year and 3 weeks old now. I had to delay the celebration because I didn’t want to steal the lights from my brother’s wedding celebration. I wanted my brother to get attention as long as he could but eh, couldn’t wait longer. Sorry bro. It’s my baby’s time to shine. LOL
The birthday was celebrated on Friday 11th of August and Oh my God did we have fun! I swear it people babies and toddlers can be the best fun ever! I was smiling ear to ear- my jaw really hurt a day later. It was great.

I still can’t believe it’s been a year already- can you?
I still remember the finding out the good news of pregnancy with all the ups and downs of that period, to being here now, celebrating a year of milestones and wonderful memories. It’s been a hard one emotionally but it is beautiful and well worth it.
It’s been a year of celebrating firsts. I know it might sound silly but every time Ahmed does something for the first time, I feel unbelievable pride. I make announcements to family and close friends. Experienced moms thought it was cute at first but they were soon getting fed up of how I go “Oh my God, his first tooth erupted”- 2 days later “Oh my God, his second tooth erupted”- 2 weeks later “ Oh my God, his third” and so on. I can get really annoying I know! =)
The beauty of it all is you never get through a day without celebrating little things that the baby might fascinate you with. There isn’t a day that is typical and that’s wonderful.
I love waking up in the morning to the sounds he makes. He’s got a natural alarm clock, I don’t have to set my timer anymore. He’ll wake up at 730 every morning. There are times where I would love to have an extra 10 minutes and if he was in a good mood he’d allow me to indulge but otherwise it’s “Muh Muh” with a puppy look face that I can’t resist.
Breakfast with Ahmed, Playtime, Heading to work, Back home, Taking Ahmed out or Staying in, Dinner, Bedtime Routine, Sleep.
It’s always the same and always different.

Sometimes I can’t believe I am a Mommy. My parents sure can’t digest it yet. Some say I look like a child taking care of a child which is flattering. Ahmed's birth has been a turning point for me on many different levels. I've changed for him. I never thought I'd grow up so soon and again I wasn't very childish either. Now I save cash. Something I never used to do. I think twice about purchases I make. I don't deny myself but I value money more because I know I am responsible for not just me but also for my baby.



I’ve been preparing for this BIG event for almost 2 months. I’ve been online looking into websites and trying to come up with a theme for the birthday party. I chose Sesame Street. Why? Well Ahmed didn’t have a favourite show cuz he isn’t allowed to watch TV yet but he loves the Arabic version of the Sesame Street theme song. I know I do. It used to calm him down whenever he had a tantrum. Plus I was actually heading towards Winnie the Pooh for a theme when I asked my hubby and he made the final decision which I don’t regret a bit.
I went shopping at birthdayexpress.com- totally recommend it. Got my order in one week. So I had everything ready and in place waiting for the celebration. When we came back from Bahrain I picked up a date and sent out the invitations. I swear it felt like I was arranging for a wedding party! I just wanted everything to go on smoothly and they did. (almost everyone was 45 mins late- ahem ahem!)- so yeah why were you guys late? I probably discuss that in another post.. NOT.

Samples of the Presentation

The party started off with the face painting, followed by amusing games and cutting the cake, to having a light homemade snack- throughout the party I showcased a digital scrapbook presentation running with Ahmed's pic at every month of the year. I was totally worn out by the end of the 2 hour long party. LOL seriously I was.

Happy Birthday Ahmed. Mommy loves you very much. You are truly the joy of her life. XOXO

In the box

totally loved the pinata! the kids just rushed on pick up stuff that fell from it

Yeah Baby!

[20] diamonds (217 opened the sack)  [+] Jewel Link

It’s been awhile. Ooh yes IT has.
I am sure you will forgive me as soon as you learn about all the events that took place during this long leave of absence.
I’ve got some great great news that I will be sharing soon. For now allow me to take the chance to thank you for all your emails. I know I keep repeating myself but I do appreciate it very much.

During this time I’ve traveled four times- very short trips to Bahrain and Oman. Some were good and some weren’t that great to mention. I have been spending a lot of time in the Kempinski Mall of the Emirates too. =)

So my brother got married- and the wedding was set in Bahrain. It was my first time ever over there and I had a blast. I really don’t understand that notion of Bahrain being a very small place. I didn’t think it was that small actually. Probably because I received a lot of warning of not to expect so much. Well I am glad for the warnings I received because they made me appreciate this small country with a humongous heart.

I stayed at the Ritz Carlton, with my hubby and baby Ahmed. I indulged in a beautiful one and a half hour of therapeutical massage in the Ooh so wonderful spa. I totally recommend it. I was rejuvenated after the session. I actually asked them for another session but they were fully booked. Just my luck!
The staff at the Ritz are wonderful. Every time Ahmed came down to the lobby they’d hold him and take him around the different places in the hotel. He totally loves the attention~ I wonder where he got that from o_O”- Funny how DNA works.
Thank you Nyxxie and N for the recommendations. The makeup artist was great. I was shining from head to toe at the wedding which I must add very different than the weddings in the UAE.

I went around two malls in Bahrain (Al Seef and Aali). Went shopping at an Abaya store named Zummord where Michael Jackson apparently shops from. LOL I thought that was funny. The cashier showed me Jackson’s autograph on the stores business card. He was very excited about it. He actually held it from it’s corners not to get the ink smudged.
Life has been treating me well overall. I’ve had my ups and downs but I think I’ve matured tremendously and I’ve been teaching myself the art of controlling my emotions. If you come to think about it, everything happens for a reason, and if you have faith in Allah throughout then He’ll never let you down. The downs are always a test from Him to see how well we cope and how strong are faiths are. I guess I used to have that belief but never practiced it. Talk is cheap but when it comes to reality, IT is very hard. I love the fact that I’ve taken myself to another level. A level of spirituality I’ve never experienced before. Whenever we go through a challenge in life we think it’s only us who are suffering and we find it really hard to make others understand that it is a matter of life or death (when most of the time it isn’t!). That everyone else’s problem is just too little and ours is major. That if I come through this problem alive then I will live a better life. That this time it is something serious and it’s a problem with not solution, whereas, the solution could be something very simple. Simple as Belief.
Believing whatever is happening is happening for a reason- a good reason.

I am the type of person who isolates herself from the whole world when I am down. I will just shut off. I tried working on it and I like to believe that I am making some progress. I haven’t gone as far as talking about my problems transparently but at least I am not locked up in the house flipping the channels and acting like a couch potato. Now I go out and try to spend time with friends and I’m learning to enjoy the company I’m with. It always makes me smile when I remember the little issues I had and how I’d react to them earlier. Oh God I used to be such a drama queen. Seriously! It feels so long ago. I’ve changed. Inshalla I have.
It all goes back to the word Belief- and that relates closely to having faith. You don’t have to be religious to believe this- God knows I am not yet but hopefully I will become better. All you have to do is believe in Allah and in yourself and having faith that you can concur anything. You can overcome any challenge with a smile if you wanted to. Believe in yourself.

Believe that Allah loves you and you will feel it soon enough. See it even sooner.

I love you all. XOXO

my studio at last!

a painting I did to hang in the wall of one of the empty spaces at home

The tv room- the painting goes on the brown wall

Check your inbox if you sent me an email- there should be a reply there =)

[18] diamonds (244 opened the sack)  [+] Jewel Link