One of my very own creations is now complete. I’ve worked so hard at it from design to implementation. My dressing room ladies and gents is now project complete. =)
I believe I bought most of the high rated books on design and architecture from Amazon. Although very artistic myself, there is so much more to learn about designing rooms- more than I thought myself. I’ve learnt so much from the color wheel. Before learning all this I used to count on my own taste to get the colors matched up but there is so much more than just taste. Colors can compliment each other in many different ways. It’s very interesting really. Another thing you might find useful is learning about Feng Shui (pronounced fung shwai) a theory that was brought to the world by ancient Chinese thousands of years ago. Feng Shui stands for Wind and Water, and the whole idea is creating a harmony in the environment by strategically placing things. Feng Shui isn’t related to any religion or belief system. It is a scientific discipline based on the analysis of energy. I didn’t really apply the whole thing. I just took what I liked- probably not the best way to practice feng shui, eh?. The books came in handy for the whole house and I will be sharing the bits and pieces of my little kingdom in entries to come.
I stood in front of my 12 light bulbs lit mirror, I stared at myself and memories of some of the things that Bliss said awhile ago surfaced. He said that unlike my husband my face or to be more precise my features are asymmetric. I felt insulted at first and I could think was urrrrgh!!! I don’t believe he just said that.
I never really thought about what he said till today. I always thought of myself as a perfectionist but I soon learnt that there are many pitfalls to perfectionism. I learnt that no matter what you do something out of your control might go wrong. I remember the days when things went wrong at school/work I would start my endless “shoulda”, “woulda”, “coulda” regrets. It would go on for days and I would just keep blaming myself for things that went wrong instead of taking the time to fix it. The funniest thing that I can remember is programming in Java for my finals. It took me 3 months to create my graduation project. Just my luck, my computer went on melt down and I couldn’t get it fixed. The hard drive was destroyed and I couldn’t retrieve the data. I was in such a mess back then, I remember backing up my info on a floppy disk which even then didn’t work. Every time I entered the disk I would get the msg “Format Disk”. The stress was unbelievable. There was no way I was going to code the whole project again. The blaming myself went on for a week with no tangible benefit. I took an hour to rest in a bubble bath and that is when it hit me- I had printed the code a million times. Wrapped myself in a towel with soap all over me and went through my papers and voila! I actually found the code on paper. Okay not a perfect solution- I had to retype the project but I didn’t have to actually think about the code again. =)
Back to perfectionism- part of wanting to be perfect is pleasing everyone around you. You seek love by everyone but the sad truth is no matter how hard you try you will never be able to please everyone. Being a perfectionist, you have to have your goals set before hand, and followed to the tiniest detail. I learnt that watching things naturally unfold is much sweeter than following rigid rules. I used to hate surprises because that meant I couldn’t control it before hand but now I do enjoy them.
I don’t want to be a perfectionist anymore. I want to do my best at everything but I won’t beat myself up if it doesn’t turn right. I did try my best. I believe we should all be high achievers not over achievers because that will reduce the unnecessary stress.
So Bliss, thinking about it, I really do like the way I look and being asymmetric is certainly an add on. Why look like many when you can only be you. I want to be imperfect. That’s my authenticity and that my friends is the real deal.



{ Maithooh
fedeeeeeeetich... huggles.. }

{ Mo
What a small world this is! }

[27] diamonds (384 opened the sack)  [+] Jewel Link

My weekend was fruitful and filled with activities. It all started off with my previous update which I felt much better after doing, cuz I felt that I did unwind and released much of the negative energy that was surrounding me. It all became even better when my cousins came over and stayed at my place over the weekend. I hadn’t seen them in ages and we did have a blast.
We went to Café Ceramique for hours of creative arts. We stayed in and watched some comedy. We also went shopping at the new extension of Marina Mall. It was such a wonderful day. We all came back home exhausted throwing are shoes at the door and heading to our heavenly beds.
On Friday, I took Ahmed to the desert for a wild Safari drive. I usually go to the desert with my brothers and hubby or lammtara and his family. This time I went with my colleagues from the office. It was a change. A good change that I seriously needed. Simple things can bring joy to my life. The safari trip for instance. The crazy drives we took, the camel rides, the barbeque, the music, the traditional dances, and the laughter of everyone who was there.
It’s always refreshing doing something different once in awhile. Something that makes you happy. The spirit of joy will overwhelm you and you will for at least sometime rise above your problems and put them away in a box.
Whenever I take a walk and by chance have an eye contacting moment with someone with a serious face I smile, and if they smile back it is such a joyful moment for my heart.
If you search for joy, believe me you will find a whole ocean of it. That’s what I’ve discovered after trying to force happiness back in my life. I sat down one night and started literally counting my blessings. I wrote down everything good down. Every little thing- from having long lustrous lashes to have the beautiful crowd of friends around me. I also sat and wrote the things that made moments in my life pitch black. It is then that I came to the realization that nothing was really worth me being sad. There are many things to be grateful for in life and I was wasting my time counting the things that are causing me pain. When I came to balance off things the happy side of the scale was much heavier than the sad side of the scale.
After my last post I received many text msgs and emails from people I didn’t even know cared so much. Your comments just made me recalculate things over and over again. Isolation isn’t a solution anymore. I’ve got all of you!
I know that we can’t all be joyful all the time but at least we can try to be happy most of the time. We can try and I am sure if we do then the frequency of joy will increase without us even realizing it.

Some of the things that bring me joy:
1. Watching my baby’s firsts at things- first smile, first giggle, first food, first steps…
2. My family
3. My Friends (online and offline)
4. Listening to the rain drops
5. Receiving comments on my enteries
6. Playing with liquid Uhu glue and rolling it in my hands
7. Melting candle wax over another candle and creating all different shapes
8. Walking on dry leaves
9. Singing loud in my car when no one is listening
10. Playing with clay =)

What are the things that bring you joy?

Shoutouts

{ Salama
The world is such a small place. You always lift my spirits. Thank you dear friend. Lots of love}

{ Fiona
thank you for the love and care- It was a beautiful surprise hearing from you}

{ Peachy
Keep the prayers coming- God knows how much I need them. I am so grateful for you. Kisses}

{ ananyah
*hugs and kisses* I hope you all the happiness in the world}

{ Devilish & AWG
I ADORE YOU *screaming my lungs out* lol }

{ lulu
again and again.. you touch my heart}

{ Blackpearlz, mn dubai, Umm Hadeel, SHMILY, eNory, Pureen, AD Queen, Dark AngeL, Precious, Melody, Majed, nadd, & O2
From the bottom~est of my heart - t h a n k y o u }

{ Veiled
I miss you like crrrrrrazeeeeeeeee}

{ Libellula, Sabrina, Kathy & Sarzoory
Can't wait to see you guys.. }

{ Miwicle & Dubai's Girl
You are always an inspiration to be better.. Allah ye7fa'6kom}

last but not least...
{ Naser
Thank you for the push.. }

[11] diamonds (199 opened the sack)  [+] Jewel Link

I want to start this long awaited for entry with saying thank you to all of you. I’ve been through a very depressing phase just after the new year and it went on for quite sometime. I feel better now about myself, and about the realities around me.
You made transitioning through that phase easier. I won’t mention names. You know who you are. Please know that you touched my heart with your emails and concerns. I just couldn’t reply back then.

I thought I was over the depression part of giving birth but I was totally wrong. It was just starting. I remember feeling down and blue with each day that passed by. Feeling tired, restless and easily irritable. I felt like I was lifting weights on my shoulder and with time passing by, I was getting too weak to go on. I got to a point where I shut the door and windows and isolated myself from everyone around me. Anything that resembled life was dead. I knew what was happening but felt helpless. I’ve read about it a million times and yet still- I couldn’t pick myself up. I became a different person for awhile. I couldn’t enjoy the things I used to. I felt ugly. I became suspicious of the dearest person to my heart. Everything he did or didn’t do would turn into a big catastrophic deal. I thought he lost interest in me- and I thought I deserved it. It kept on building gradually in my head and it reached it’s peak 4 weeks ago. I convinced myself my marriage was over. I was convinced that I no longer am the queen of his heart and that some evil witch took my place. I was blinded by pain. As crazy as it sounds it is true. I felt so worthless and unwanted. It was all happening in my head. In silence. I was killing me with my own hands. At the peak of my depression I broke down in tears, and looked for someone to pick me up. Anyone.. the sad truth is there was no one because I was too ashamed to talk about it. Everyone thought I was just moody.
I remember talking to Devil Cat and asking her for advice. I remember crying so hard because she understood what I was going through. I didn’t feel alien anymore. It was then when I started picking up the broken pieces of my life. It was very hard at the beginning and it became easier as time went by. I became more focused and set goals to get myself out of a situation I put myself in. I started a dialogue with him about how I felt and I thought it’ll be over between us but thank God it wasn’t.
Much to my surprise when I felt that the world has come to an end, I realized that the world doesn’t take a pause when you’re feeling blue. If you don’t talk about your pain then how do you expect your loved ones to react? But I did talk and fortunately, it wasn’t too late.
Life blossomed before my eyes again. Things started tickling my heart. I smiled from within. Things are better now.

I learnt valuable lessons in this period. I learnt that I should speak my heart out and not let things accumulate inside me. I learnt that as much as I want to be loved, there is evidently someone who’s not going to love me back no matter how hard I try. I learnt that trust in a marriage is the most vital thing- you can’t live in suspicion. It’s going to kill you eventually. I learnt that even when I fake a smile, it’ll show, I might as well just not force it. I learnt that talking or even writing about pain can ease it. I learnt that I am blessed in many ways and that I’ve got so much inside that can touch many hearts- hopefully yours. =)

Very special thanks to those who kept me in their thoughts. I really do appreciate it.
Thank you all for your love and care.

Ahmed's Room- designed by moi =)

[25] diamonds (283 opened the sack)  [+] Jewel Link